what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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