What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
areolas are like halos for boobs.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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