Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
