Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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