i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
