My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
