alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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