I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize