Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
FUCK WHALES
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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