Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I wish there were birth control emojis
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Randomize
