You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
