New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
