He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
