I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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