he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
