yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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