when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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