dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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