I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
