I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
they need to just BURY HIM!
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
