omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize