she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
where are my eyebrows?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
