Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
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