I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
