Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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