We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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