I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Randomize
