He uses pillows to masturbate.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
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