I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
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