that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
