cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
