Your face is a jimmy john
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I touched a dick in church today
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