I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
