Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
