its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
