even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
