operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
