You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
