i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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