just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
