ugly people sure do ruin things
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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