We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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