O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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