I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Success! We fucked roommates!
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
