she smelled like a LAN party
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
well, you know. whores of a feather.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
