RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
