I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
did i just pee glitter
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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