Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize