She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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