she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
