i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
