Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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