capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
