farters have to be the big spoon...
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
