People in love make me want to vomit
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Randomize
