One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
