Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
