Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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