id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
