Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
