The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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