You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
