i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Randomize
