she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
