The maid of honor just puked.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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