Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
