He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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