this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
