He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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