You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I fill condoms, not promises.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
