found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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