Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize