I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
