You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
